Drowning in guilt. That's the only way I can describe my recent thoughts. Some moments I'm able to keep my head above water, other moments my chest becomes so heavy with guilt that to stay alive I must erase my memory.
Recently, I had to have an HSG test and as I was sitting at the hospital, waiting to be seen it hit me that this is National Infertility Awareness week. That's something you might not necessarily think about if you’re not infertile or closely tied to it. I know I didn’t.
Here we are. 10 years ago almost to the minute. Have you ever had a moment stick out in your mind so clearly?
First I would like to say that if you are reading this after a loss, know you are not alone. I may not know exactly how you feel, but I feel for you.
Hannah was born on March 7, 2016. Our pregnancy was quite difficult. We learned that she had a cleft lip and palate and a two vessel cord at the twenty week ultrasound. Following this, we were in Pittsburgh regularly for multiple in-depth ultra sounds, an echocardiogram, meetings with specialists, children's hospital physicians as well as those at the women's hospital.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1
It was the week before Christmas and I hadn't been feeling well. Could I possibly be pregnant?
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